There is a reason I keep going back to this theme of God loving us unconditionally and unwaveringly. We often believe that when we blow it, do that thing you promised God you'd never do, or commit sin God is done with us. If that were the case God would not have used imperfect people to be his disciples. The example of the apostles is that he build his whole ministry around imperfect people. That's us! You were meant for more. God has a plan and a purpose for you life - stop hiding and turn to Him Confess the yuck, spill the beans, and let God transform you life. It requires getting real about who and what we are. Digging past the denial and giving God all the junk. You can do it! Let the gentle words of Brennan Manning remind you that living in the light is a rejection of hanging in the shadow.
“Do you believe that the God of Jesus loves you beyond worthiness and unworthiness, beyond fidelity and infidelity—that he loves you in the morning sun and in the evening rain—that he loves you when your intellect denies it, your emotions refuse it, your whole being rejects it. Do you believe that God loves without condition or reservation and loves you this moment as you are and not as you should be.”
― Brennan Manning, All Is Grace: A Ragamuffin Memoir